I live with my husband in a beautiful house about 800 metres from the ocean at Aldinga Beach in South Australia. We love it here and feel like we have reached our life goal – well, one of them. The other goal is to enjoy it now we have it.
Life wasn’t always like this – I remember when I was growing up I always felt as though I was going through life for the sole purpose of pleasing my parents. The only problem with this was that I was the only person who knew about that goal.
Things didn’t really change when I went to boarding school. I was absolutely terrified I would let my parents down. I was 12 years old then and weighed 80 kg – not good for a 12 year old girl. I hated myself. I did not participate in sporting activities because I didn’t know what to do, I was so fat and out of shape I was useless in any event as far as participating was concerned. I really hated it and I hated myself.
My self esteem was below the horizon and I felt a total failure, like I was not good enough for anything.
In my second year at boarding school I thought I had turned things around when I came top of the class – but alas still I felt that recognition I craved from my parents was not forthcoming. I wanted more. It was only later that I learned life is not about people-pleasing and seeking approval from others is not the way to long-term happiness – this is something that needs to come from within, from feeling complete, feeling enough, feeling confident, loved, successful and worthy. This is how I am today.
However, some people are just a bit slow to learn – I pressed on and eventually after 4 years of boarding school I decided I could not (nor would I ever) cut the mustard and left boarding school. I was 16.
After some time and a few jobs later I met this man – he thought I was it and a bit – to him I was a person and not a commodity – I was someone who counted. I was a person and I was important – I had value. To me this was the most wonderful feeling I had ever experienced. After 40 years I’m still his queen and he’s my king.
I had been going through life being the victim, feeling like everyone was against me, like I was never going to be good enough and so on.
Then one day I discovered life coaching. Coaching is the life blood of my very being. I discovered I had a choice in life. I will always have a choice and it’s my choice. WOW – how powerful is that – knowing that every decision you make is your decision – you are driving your own bus.
If I had any control over the situation or outcome. I was free to choose. This realisation was so liberating. I also discovered things like NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) which is a discipline based on pre-suppositions, such as people make the best choices available to them at the time. This taught me forgiveness which is also very freeing. I also learned another technique called reframing – so when my mum said … to me, instead of interpreting it to mean I was not good enough, I decided hey, what if when my mum said that to me she said it so I could learn to stand on your own two feet, so I would be strong and independent, a person who knew what she wanted and where she was going?”
Why wouldn’t I want to drive my own bus – I love it and feel that if I could help some others appreciate their own self worth, to move from effect to cause, to drive their own bus and to shape up and take in some of the good stuff life has to offer, to share and contribute for the greater good, to really feel like a queen, my work would be done.
So bring it on.
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Aldinga Beach SA 5173
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