“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”
Being in the moment has a power all of its own.
How do you feel when you’re in a conversation/relationship with someone and, while their body may be there, they are not. They are distracted or thinking of something else, perhaps they’re on the phone or just looking around the room.
There are some people who “multi-skill” while talking with you. How does that make you feel then? That’s certainly one of the things that gets up my nose. I often ask myself – why am I here talking to this person when they are clearly not (here)? The other day I was having this (what I felt was a deep and meaningful) conversation with this person and in the middle of my talking she kept asking me if I wanted some refreshment.
Or perhaps you’ve been in a shop waiting to be served (meaning to engage with the shop assistant in conversation, to get more information or even just hand over your money) and the shop assistant seems to be more interested in completing a personal conversation on Facebook or texting someone. Is this the type of service that would drive you to recommend that business?
So what is this “being present”, what does it mean to be present?
From a coach’s point of view, being present means you are really in the conversation, listening for what is being said and what is not being said. You are giving the client 100% of your attention. Not only does this enrich the conversation it also acknowledges the client and, in return, they then feel valued, they feel like they are important and that they are being heard.
We can really only do one thing at the time and that is why driving the car and texting/chatting on the mobile phone at the same time can be so dangerous. Both activities (and especially the driving) require 100% of your attention and anything less can be catastrophic.
In the coaching world, the coach will ask the client loads of questions so the coach can learn more about the client’s world and the issue they have come to see the coach about. It’s imperative for the coach to give the client that quality time so the client can feel they have received value for their investment and, more importantly, a solution to their issue. The questions the coach asks are geared to loosening the client’s grip around their problem so that some new thinking can come into the space and allow the client to find their own solution. After all the client’s solution is the only solution that is going to work for them.
Now I wonder how that might work in your relationships. Imagine the quality of your relationships soaring when the other person feels that the time you have spent with them was of great value, a treasured moment, a time when each of you gets to know the other person just that bit more. After all it’s free – quality time is the same price as no-quality time and the results can be so much richer.
If this is something you might like to talk about, how about making a time and we can talk about it further.
Until next time
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