What do you want?
This was the first question Suzie heard when she went to see her life coach.
This was Suzie’s first experience with a life coach and she wasn’t really sure what to expect.
What do you want? Asked the Life Coach.
With that, Suzie felt her eyes well up and she blurted out – I don’t know.
I know I don’t want this and I don’t want that and nor do I want the other.
Well, said the Life Coach – now you’ve told me what you don’t want – what do you want.
Now, continued the Life Coach –
What’s in your head?
What’s in your heart?
What’s in your gut?
What’s going on inside you?
All this was too much for Suzie and she broke down in tears. Suzie had been battling many of life’s challenges for a number of years and all she could think about was escaping from it all.
Somewhere from deep within she knew there had to be a better life but she had no idea what she did want.
After some more conversation, the Life Coach helped Suzie to work out what she did want. She helped Suzie phrase her stated goal in a positive and simply way so much so things began to become clearer to Suzie.
Finally, she could see exactly what it was she wanted. Everything seemed so clear now and she discovered she felt so much better. The ache in her heart was gone, as was the pain in her stomach.
Now she could focus on what she did want and this opened up new possibilities and opportunities. This, for Suzie, was amazing.
So now you know what you want looks like, now you know what it feels like and what others are saying about you, you are better equipped to go for it – mostly because you know what you’re chasing.
You get what you focus on so, for Heaven’s sake, why not focus on what you want.
To make a time with Marg for your non-judgmental and completely confidential free no-obligation session, click here
And remember, a problem shared is a problem halved.
We all know who she is – Negative Nellie is that person in our circle who always sees the downside – her glass is always half empty.
What’s her story? What does she get out of all this? Frankly I find it hard going and avoid her like the plague. I keep telling myself – She’s not dragging me down that black hole. I’ve been there and I’m staying right away from there.
We read about people suffering from depression and their being on medication all the time. Heaven knows, there are enough TV ads pushing some over-the-counter medication, even for babies. All this tells me is that the pharmaceutical companies are non-discriminatory in their targeting potential customers and the earlier they get them in their clutches, the greater their chances for a long-term customer.
My views are just that – my views and they are based on an overall generalisation and are certainly not aimed at anyone specifically. I believe if someone has gone to the doctor and the doctor has prescribed some medication then I’m sure it’s for a very good reason. I’m equally sure the doctor does monitor his patient’s progress and needs.
I also believe many people are at effect in life and waiting for some-one else to “fix” their problems and I really believe we are all in charge of our own minds and, therefore, our outcomes. So, my first questions for Negative Nellie are –
- What do you want?
- What’s your goal?
- What is the purpose of your being so down on absolutely everything?
- Where’s the pay-off?
Another of my beliefs is that there is a mind and body connection and when you choose to be negative, when your glass is half empty – that’s all you can see – a half empty glass.
Conversely, when that glass is half full, that’s all you see – the positive side of life, the good stuff and this has rubbed off on those around me – or maybe those around me aren’t the same people they once were.
There are several circles in my life – one is a sewing class I run for the U3A and we have a couple of rules –
- Absolutely no whinging
- No putting yourself down – none of this “I can’t do that” etc.
- Champion the other participants in the class.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep along. Readers’ Digest has been telling us for years that Laughter is the Best Medicine. When we laugh and are happy our bodies release “good-feeling” hormones and we live a happy and fulfilled, fun-loving life.
Negativity is more than just being down about the mouth – it’s pervasive, it’s reflected in the words you use, the way you talk and walk, the things you do (or don’t do), the clothes you wear and how you wear them, the company you keep, the books you read, the music you listen to, the movies you see and so on.
At the end of the day, you are the average of 5 people around you – so take a look at your 5 people. Are they dragging you down that black hole? What’s going on in their world? What need are these people filling for you?
Next time you take a dive in your emotion state and tell yourself how depressed you are, how bad things are I invite you to step back a moment and consider –
- What was the trigger – that set off this feeling of despair
- What did I eat to bring this on
- Whata did I drink to bring this on
- How have I fuelled my body – physically, emotionally and environmentally
- What could I do to change things
- What could I do differently
- What else
- What else
- What else
After all, you are in charge of your mind and therefore your results.
A problem shared can be a problem halved.
Want to discover how you could turn your life around – how about a free session – that is free of obligation, free of judgment and free of charge – just CLICK HERE fill out the form and, hey presto, I will get back to you to make a time for a chat. How easy is that?
I look forward to hearing from you.
Until next time
Health and Relationship/Life Coach Adelaide
Earlier this month Father Christmas came to Adelaide. As most South Aussies know, on the second Saturday of November each year the children, and those who still retain some of their childhood within, get to taste the joy of giving when the Christmas Pageant heralds the Christmas season.
For some people Christmas can be a time of loneliness, a time when they feel a sense of sadness, perhaps with memories of times gone by or perhaps it’s a time to think about relatives and friends who are no longer with us or, perhaps, it’s a time when they feel inadequate because they are not in a position to really give the things they would really love to give to their loved ones and perhaps they have another reason.
The Christmas Pageant was instigated by the Chairman of John Martins, a department that was in Adelaide in 1931 when many people were having a really tough time and Sir Edward Hayward felt he would like to bring some joy to people’s hearts and to share some good cheer.
Like so many things, Christmas is what you make it and you don’t have to outlay thousands of dollars, to keep up with the Joneses or to be really stressed out just to make it a successful and joyous occasion. It’s a time when we can really give some thought to not just Christmas Day but the Christmas Spirit and the season generally.
The season in South Australia kicks off with the Pageant and lasts for about 2 months – well it seems like that. The shops have their decorations out and many people are organising their parties and cooking for that special person or in some way making the most of what they have to offer. It’s really all about the giving – not the getting, it’s about gratitude and sharing.
One of the things I’m grateful for is the gift of sharing. Over the last couple of days I have visited with my brother who lives interstate and who willingly shares his family with me. This gives me such joy to be a part of their lives and to see the little ones growing and learning, smiling and laughing. I also spent a couple of days with an aged aunt who is such an inspiration to me and someone from whom I feel I can learn some of life’s lessons. One of those lessons is the art of really listening to someone, caring about them and always from a place of being non-judgemental. I trust will be able to be there for others when they need someone to listen, just like my aunt.
Relationships, specifically at this time of year, can easily be tested. Unfortunately when that happens the feelings of hurt and sadness, the sense of loss and grief for what could have been can last forever, that is unless the issues are dealt with quickly and fairly. Ill tempers can be sparked off like a raging bushfire in a nano second over what seems like nothing or nothing important. Well obviously it is important to one of the parties otherwise the situation would not be an issue.
So you might ask – how does one win in such circumstances?
Well, let’s look at what’s going on. Is winning (and winning what) really so important that you are prepared to jeopardise absolutely everything just to be right (or whatever the situation is for you)?
A little while ago a friend told me how she had an issue with a family member and after a little while the family member had been able to put it behind him while she was still hanging on to it. I asked her to think about why she was hanging on to it – for what purpose. After all we all do things for a reason. She didn’t have to share her reason with me, I just asked he to think about it – and after a short while she said she was able to let it go.
This is NOT about letting someone walk over you or bully you or whatever: it’s about respecting yourself and the other person. Respecting yourself is about making your boundaries known and respecting the other person is about honouring their world.
We all know how quickly and sometimes how innocently we can upset someone, especially when one or both of the parties is under stress. We say something, maybe they don’t hear us or they don’t understand what our intention is and, before you know it, there’s a problem. I have found when this happens, just stop for a moment and take a walk in the other person’s shoes, I ask myself how would I like to respond, what do I want at the end of the day, how could I have said it better, what was it that I said to upset them, what did they make what I said mean. When things cool down, have a private chat with the person, apologise if that’s appropriate. Perhaps your gift to the other person could be forgiveness, a little understanding and some tolerance.
If you’d like to explore this further, please feel free to contact me for a free session – that is free of obligation, free of judgment and free of charge – just fill out the form and, hey presto, I will get back to you to make a time for a chat. How easy is that?
I look forward to hearing from you.
Until next time
Life Coach Adelaide
This session I thought I would like to talk about how grateful I am – for everything.
Since my last post lots of things have happened which really made me count my blessings. The truth is where we are right now just could be the best place to be – which could be why that’s where we are there.
Last month I was fortunate enough to go on a quilting tour which took me to Canada and the US, culminating in three days at Houston Texas where I went to the Houston Quilt Festival. There are over 20 million quilters in the US and, as you can imagine, everything is big in Texas. There were masses of beautiful quilts to admire and a huge number of booths where people where showing and selling their wares.
There were over 40 people on tour and we were extremely fortunate to have an excellent tour guide who ensured everything went smoothly. As anyone who has ever been on tour before will tell you, the tour guide will either make it or break it for the tourist: we were blessed to have an accomplished quilter with us as well who was able to offer some guidance along the way.
Well, as quilters go, many of them are very sedentary and, as a result, are not always very fit and many of them have a sweet tooth! It is my belief that it’s important to remain as fit a possible so I can finish off those quilts and share them around!
It was when I got home and started to settle back into things I began to think how grateful I am to have my health and, yes, I do work at it. Our health is really THE greatest asset we have and absolutely necessary if we are to enjoy life to the fullest.
There was one lady on tour with a crutch to give her support. This lady has a degenerative condition and she was determined to really have a great time – she knows she is on borrowed time and values every waking moment.
There were some other ladies who seemed to be totally oblivious to their state of health and I guess they were living in the moment. I just hope they get to sew all the fabric they purchased before they enjoy their last piece of chocolate cake!
The Friday after I got back was the first day of my sewing group and a couple of the ladies greeted me with their news. Both ladies are in their 70s and have just discovered they have a terminal condition. Both ladies also told me how lucky they are because they have such wonderful husbands to give them the support they need.
Relationships are not always about the good times – there are also the times when the chips are down and these are the times when your relationship is really tested. Often these are the times when your relationship really strengthens and grows.
How often have you heard about someone whose child is gravely ill or something happens – usually to the woman (but not always) and her mate has an affair, becomes abusive or just takes off at the very time he is most needed? Who is he making the relationship all about?
We all have our own ideas of how a good relationship will look and how many of us really understand the value of a great relationship and what does that look like to you? How do you maintain your great relationship? How do you make your great relationship even greater?
We are all here for such a short time and wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all have what we wanted. Sometimes things just don’t pan out the way we would like them to be and then we really need to think about things. We have those questions coming at us – what if it were me? How would I like things to be? How would I like people to think of me? How could I make things better for myself (and others) when I feel down?
The key, I think, likes in our attitude. After all if we don’t like something we need to change it and if we can’t change it, then we need to change our attitude. Whatever it is, we will feel better about the situation when we accept the fact that we do have control over our attitude and we all feel better when we feel good about ourselves. As Wayne Dyer was known to say – when you look at things (and people) differently, they appear different to you.
If you’d like to explore this further, please feel free to contact me for a free session – that is free of obligation, free of judgment and free of charge – just fill out the form and, hey presto, I will get back to you to make a time for a chat.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Until next time
Life Coach Adelaide
Infidelity – the action or state of being sexually unfaithful – Readers Digest Dictionary.
Is that all it is?
Why do we humans place so much value on being faithful and, yet, if we are to believe what we hear about the recent Ashley Maddison hack, thousands of people choose to be unfaithful.
We are all different with different needs and while many people value being faithful to one person, at least during the course of the relationship because it gives them a feeling of certainty and safety which, in time, becomes a basis for trust, there are other people who thrive on uncertainty, on living on the edge. These people find it exciting and adventurous. We all have our reasons for doing what we do.
However, when two people have an understanding that they “belong” to each other, there is a commitment to a relationship between them and one person strays for some reason, a promise has been broken, a trust has been breach and there is a misalignment of values. Once the trust has been eroded nothing is ever the same again – after all, if you’ve broken your promise once, who’s to say you won’t do it again? The dynamics between the two people have changed completely and it’s all downhill from there.
I think it all comes down to knowing what you want and being very clear on that. Knowing where your boundaries are and sticking to them, what are the rules in your relationship and what do you expect from both yourself and the other person.
Most of us can remember hearing about Bill Clinton’s indiscretions – and none of us probably knows how Hilary felt about that. I seem to recall a journalist having asked Hilary how she felt at one stage and her response was – Well, you can’t expect an old dog to stay on the porch forever. Personally, I thought that response was pure gold because it quelled all the curiosity and media interest and Hilary did not allow herself to be a victim. Who knows what she really thinks – that’s really her business.
When you have been cheated on naturally you are going to have some feelings about it. So first up, let’s take a look at your values. How important is it to you to have a faithful partner? What does being faithful look like to you? What will that give you? Are you prepared to be faithful to your partner too?
I know how I feel about it but I don’t know how you might feel about it. Perhaps you’re like Hilary or perhaps you have chosen to be the victim in the situation.
There are thousands of reasons why the system under which we live has been set up to promote monogamy and some of those relate to who we are, who our parents were and how we all relate to each other. It is important from the point of view of having children to ensure the blood lines are not too close as this can negatively impact on the health of the child. It can be important for the survival of the family that people team up and stay together to build their empire or whatever. It can be important from an emotional point of view; we like to be stable which allows us to perform and function at a higher level. We like to have support and to know someone cares.
So why do some people stray? Are they bored, are they unhappy? Whatever the reason, it is because a certain need or needs are not being met and the straying person is seeking that need some place else. To use the dog analogy again – it is also said a well fed dog doesn’t stray.
What is infidelity at any rate? I know what the dictionary says about being sexually unfaithful and yet – can it be more than that? Think about the workaholic partner who is totally devoted to his/her work and the other person is left hanging? Is that an act of unfaithfulness or dedication or neglect? It all depends on how you look at it and what’s important to you.
So how do you ensure your partner remains faithful? Personally, after 40+ years of marriage I think it comes down to being totally honest first with yourself about what you want out of the relationship and when you communicate that to the other person and ensure your values are aligned, you usually have a fairly solid base on which to build your house. It’s respect for the other person and yourself and ensuring each of your needs are being met. Be honest and communicate about what’s important to you both, be there for the other person – who knows, we might even call that love.
If you’d like to explore this further, please feel free to contact me for a free session – that is free of obligation, free of judgment and free of charge – just go to https://www.marghobby.com.au/free-coaching-session/ fill out the form and, hey presto, I will get back to you to make a time for a chat.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Until next time
A little ray of sunshine can really make a difference.
As I sit here sipping my tea the sun is shining and it occurred to me how light I felt. The energy from the sun can really make a world of difference to how we feel … inside.
Recently I had some tests done which revealed my Vitamin D was low and this meant a visit to the GP to have the situation remedied. I thought I was doing OK and getting enough sunshine since I go walking and other stuff outside, however it seems my efforts were not enough. Things change as we age and sometimes for the better and sometimes not so. We need to take care of ourselves.
After the first dose of Vitamin D I felt super-charged – and that’s just how I feel this morning with the sun shining on my window and bringing warmth and the promise of Spring. Even my husband’s canaries understand what this is all about and he proudly announced to me the other day that he has one “grand-birdie” in the nest already.
The energy the sun provides is a true gift and it’s this energy I wanted to touch on today.
When we feel good about ourselves we want to spread the good around – whatever that means to you.
For me, this is an ideal time to toss aside the dreariness of winter, a time for regeneration and moving forward. That could mean it’s time to clean up your house, your bad habits or just get your tax done. Basically it’s time to get off the couch and take care of yourself.
What does it take to be happy, to love yourself enough to really be the person you know you deserve to be? For some it may be a massage and for some it may be a new relationship, for others it could be a time to really assess where you are right now and clean out those dark and energy-draining states of mind some of us have from time to time. You are no doubt more than well aware that we store all those negative things in our bodies and when they have been stored for too long they can manifest into big black holes bringing their own downsides with them.
Now that it’s Spring and the sun is shining, let’s get rid of all that stuff that sucks the energy from our being and reward ourselves with a gift of promise and possibility, a gift of love and laughter, an opportunity to really make a contribution and grow within ourselves and truly be the person we were put on this earth to be. Time is running out and we have work to do.
I’d be glad to hear your views and remember – be kind to yourself – you are the best friend you have.