Have you ever found yourself feeling let down by your expectations?
How do you feel when you have made an arrangement, set up a meeting or possibly a date and the other person fails to show up?
Have you ever found yourself let down when you had certain expectations around an event which failed to live up to your expectations, possibly a concert or a party?
Think about how you feel when you have bought someone what you consider to be “the perfect gift” and it all falls flat.
What feeling are you left with?
If there was a way to overcome this feeling of having been cheated out of what you thought was going to happen or what you thought you were going to experience, would this be of interest to you?
Disappointment is an expectation that has been frustrated in some way. We build up our expectations around an event and when it fails to happen the way we thought it should, we feel let down, disappointed and possibly cheated out of the experience. Sometimes we may even have a negative feeling towards the other person in the equation.
How do you imagine a child might feel if Santa failed to show up on Christmas morning?
Think about a bride or a groom who is left standing at the altar.
What about a failed space operation or maybe a culinary disaster like the chocolate cake sank.
Sometimes we might be looking forward to a visit from someone special and then something happens. Either they don’t show up or, worse, when they do, they somehow let you down.
How do we end up with this feeling of loss?
Usually it’s because we have created our own picture (which includes our feelings) around the event and the longer we have focused on how we expect this event to fulfil our need, the more we have put into the picture.
On the other side of the coin, quite often the persons (eg Santa) has his own agenda and, in all fairness, he is doing the best he can to fulfil your expectations and those of everyone else at the same time. However, he may not be totally aware of what those expectations are, or Rudolf may have a cold and not be able to perform as well as he could. There can be a host of reasons why Santa has not lived up to expectations.
When we are talking about an event, eg a dinner party or some other gathering, there are many things beyond our immediate control, things we cannot possibly anticipate going off the rails. Then it’s really how we view the “out-of-control” things that have led to our disappointment.
So, what if – just opening the door of possibility – what if –
- We focused on the things that were in our control and let the other stuff go
- We chose to believe we were doing the best we could
- We chose to believe other people were doing the best they could
- Something may have happened in the other person’s world which meant they were not able to fulfil their part of the deal
- The other person didn’t really understand what your expectations were
- The other person/event had a totally different agenda and you had been heaping all of your meaning and expectations onto them/the event
- We looked for the good and the positives
- We were grateful for the things and people we have in our lives.
At the end of the day, we all create our own meanings around what’s going on and sometimes life just gets in the way.
Be kind to yourself and others. This will come back to you tenfold.
Until next time
Life Coach Adelaide
Do you sometimes find yourself asking questions like –
- Am I really worth it?
- Is there anything all that special or valuable about me?
These are probably not the questions you’re likely to talk to your mates about. All kinds of things can get us started on this self-questioning path resulting in our feeling doubtful and uncertain about our worth and value.
Everyone has up days and down days, even those people who tell you they are always on top of the world. Everyone has days when they ask themselves these sorts of questions and it’s only when these questions begin to take over our life that we find we need some help.
I wonder what might happen when you treated yourself to a new friend, a friend you could listen to every day, especially when you’re having one of those self-questioning days. Someone to focus your attention on for a few moments and someone who could guide you out of the trap.
Hypnosis is a great way to reconnect with your unique core self
Deeper self respect is an audio hypnosis session that will help you change this pattern for good, so that you can recognize the truth about yourself and really start to care for yourself more deeply.
As you relax and listen repeatedly to your download, you’ll notice that you:
- Sense a kind of gentle inner ‘earthquake’ loosening up fixed ideas and attitudes
- Find yourself becoming aware of a whole range of new possibilities in your life
- Start to get a completely new perspective on who you are and your place in the world
- Begin to feel both proud and protective of this manifestation of your deeper self
- Commit to living from this new center, and nurturing these positive aspects of yourself
- Find life getting more and more enjoyable and rewarding as time goes by.
Download Deeper self respect and discover who you really are.
Life Coach Adelaide
Let me tell you about my friend Choice.
Choice is a beautiful lady who lives with me. Her beauty is in the gifts she has showered on me, the gift of freedom to choose and the sense of empowerment. She is a constant companion, a good listener and someone who leads me to feeling worthy and good about myself. Choice has made me the person I am today.
Choice has a cousin called Curiosity who often comes along. Curiosity is fun, she encourages me to explore and seek adventures. She encourages me to consider all sides of what is presented – you know what I mean –
Shall I or shan’t I
Should I or shouldn’t I
Will I or won’t I?
There is also another side of Curiosity – I wonder … I wonder what could happen if …
Once I would opt for the safe alternative, the familiar because I knew what the outcome would be and I was heavily invested in certainty. Now I find myself following the path of “I wonder what could happen, what might happen if ..”
Have you ever been driving along the road only to find yourself at a crossroad with no signpost? Should I go left or should I go right?
We are all faced with these choices every day. Sometimes the choices are relatively non-consequential – perhaps, should we have cake or chocolate? Sometimes the consequences of our choices have long lasting effects – should I take the red pill or the blue pill – as in the Matrix.
Then there are times when I listen to my gut and go with that choice. One of the things I have learned is that when I go with my gut feeling, when I make that choice, everything turns out as it should and I am comfortable with the end result.
When thinking about how Choice has served me in situations like this in the past, I have been so committed to my choice it just felt right, it worked out. There were obstacles along the way and, seemingly, these eventually parted and let me pass.
It is this level of commitment to a goal that moves mountains and gets us to where we want to be, to become the person we need to be so we do what has to be done to get what we want. This level of commitment comes with an inner knowing called Choice.
Choice also has a dark cousin called Regret.
When growing up I was introduced to Edith Piaf who sang Non, je ne regrette rien – No, I regret nothing. I chose to adopt that philosophy then and there. For me, this meant that whatever choice I made, it was for the best at the time and I had only one path forward.
Regret is one of those people who I have chosen to exclude: he is disempowering, parasitic and negative. On top of that he lacks a sense of adventure and is no fun.
Choice is the person who shared with me that we all have choices. We have the choice to choose to stay where we are, to do what we’ve always done and to get the results we have always had OR we can choose to step outside the bounds of our comfort zone, we can choose to give something a go, we can choose to be brave and see what happens, we can choose to be our own best friend and take care of ourselves, we can choose to take a step forward towards something we have always wanted, we can choose to be the person we know we really are and be brave, be courageous, be confident and reach for the stars.
My friend Choice is very powerful and I am grateful to have her on my team.
Are you ready to make a choice – make a time with me to have a chat https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11328808
Respect – a vital component to any relationship and especially one that rocks
The Readers’ Digest Word Power Dictionary defines “respect” as
- Noun – a feeling of admiration for someone elicited by their qualities or achievements
Due regard for the feelings or rights of others
- Verb – feel or have respect for, avoid harming or interfering with, agree to recognise or abide by.
I think the song goes something like – R E S P E C T – find out what it means to me.
Well, what does it mean to you? Are there people you respect? Who are they? How do you demonstrate that respect? And, just maybe, the meaning to you could be clearer when you think about who or what you don’t respect.
The other day I was in a workshop based around Time to Think © where they explored ten components that made up an effective Thinking Environment.
Afterwards when I was going over the material I thought this is really about having respect, respect for both self and others, be it the organisation, your spouse/partner, the family or just a group of people with a common interest.
The first component was called Attention. This was all about being present and really letting the other person have their say without interruption. Being present means your total attention is on that other person, without judgment, without interruption, without formulating your response before they have completed what they had to say and your eyes are fixed on that person or whatever is acceptable in your culture.
The second component was called Equality – this component related to everyone present being on an equal footing, meaning that, for instance, if your pay packet was larger than the other person’s, that does not mean your views carried more weight on the issue under discussion. Everyone’s input was equally important.
Ease was about being relaxed in the moment. As we all know, when we are relaxed, the blood flows more easily to our brain and we are able to think and function more effectively. It’s when we are uptight our muscles become tight and the flow suffers. Think about when you find you can’t remember something, what do you do? Most people seem to go into a state of panic and berate themselves because they can’t remember and then when they have forgotten about the situation and allowed themselves to relax, the answer comes back to them. Being in a state of relaxation can have so many benefits.
Appreciation of what the other person brought to the table was the next component. In a relationship with two people, this could be an acknowledgment of a quality you admire in that person. When the appreciation is delivered the person on the receiving end says “Thank you”. That is all that is required. To go on and explain, substantiate or defend that quality will only negate from the power behind it. When you say “thank you” you acknowledge the other person by showing your appreciation. Appreciation needs to be succinct, sincere and specific. An example may be something like you know, when you really listen to my point of view I feel truly appreciated.
The next component is Encouragement. Everyone needs a bit of encouragement and when we champion the other person, their belief in themselves and their ability becomes stronger and all round everyone wins. After all, when you stop and think about it – how do you feel when your efforts have been championed? I know I’m more likely to line up to have another go, to really go that extra mile and stick with it until I have achieved my goal.
Of course, it’s also vital to have all the correct information, to consider people’s feelings, to ask the right questions and for all this to really come together, being in the right place is important. However these last components can keep until next time. I think when we concentrate on the first five components alone, there is a massive chance your relationship with the other person can only be enhanced. Just take a moment and think how you felt the last time someone gave you their undivided attention without interruption, when you felt totally at ease in the presence of that person you could freely explore the deepest ocean without judgment, when your efforts were encouraged and your contribution was appreciated.
I know when I thought about all that after the workshop, it was really powerful and my experience was that my relationship with the other participants became stronger.
I know how I feel when someone gives me some special one-on-one time to really explore a topic. More importantly, I also know how I feel about that person afterwards and that can be very strong.
You can be sure when you experience a free coaching session with me, you will walk away with some of those feelings too. Coaching is all about championing the client through these sorts of tools, asking some great questions and really giving the client the time and space to think about her issue an to find the answer that is right for her.
If you’d like to explore this further, please feel free to contact me for a free session – that is free of obligation, free of judgment and free of charge – just go to https://www.marghobby.com.au/free-coaching-session/ fill out the form and, hey presto, I will get back to you to make a time for a chat.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Until next time
Life Coach Adelaide