Have you ever found yourself feeling let down by your expectations?
How do you feel when you have made an arrangement, set up a meeting or possibly a date and the other person fails to show up?
Have you ever found yourself let down when you had certain expectations around an event which failed to live up to your expectations, possibly a concert or a party?
Think about how you feel when you have bought someone what you consider to be “the perfect gift” and it all falls flat.
What feeling are you left with?
If there was a way to overcome this feeling of having been cheated out of what you thought was going to happen or what you thought you were going to experience, would this be of interest to you?
Disappointment is an expectation that has been frustrated in some way. We build up our expectations around an event and when it fails to happen the way we thought it should, we feel let down, disappointed and possibly cheated out of the experience. Sometimes we may even have a negative feeling towards the other person in the equation.
How do you imagine a child might feel if Santa failed to show up on Christmas morning?
Think about a bride or a groom who is left standing at the altar.
What about a failed space operation or maybe a culinary disaster like the chocolate cake sank.
Sometimes we might be looking forward to a visit from someone special and then something happens. Either they don’t show up or, worse, when they do, they somehow let you down.
How do we end up with this feeling of loss?
Usually it’s because we have created our own picture (which includes our feelings) around the event and the longer we have focused on how we expect this event to fulfil our need, the more we have put into the picture.
On the other side of the coin, quite often the persons (eg Santa) has his own agenda and, in all fairness, he is doing the best he can to fulfil your expectations and those of everyone else at the same time. However, he may not be totally aware of what those expectations are, or Rudolf may have a cold and not be able to perform as well as he could. There can be a host of reasons why Santa has not lived up to expectations.
When we are talking about an event, eg a dinner party or some other gathering, there are many things beyond our immediate control, things we cannot possibly anticipate going off the rails. Then it’s really how we view the “out-of-control” things that have led to our disappointment.
So, what if – just opening the door of possibility – what if –
- We focused on the things that were in our control and let the other stuff go
- We chose to believe we were doing the best we could
- We chose to believe other people were doing the best they could
- Something may have happened in the other person’s world which meant they were not able to fulfil their part of the deal
- The other person didn’t really understand what your expectations were
- The other person/event had a totally different agenda and you had been heaping all of your meaning and expectations onto them/the event
- We looked for the good and the positives
- We were grateful for the things and people we have in our lives.
At the end of the day, we all create our own meanings around what’s going on and sometimes life just gets in the way.
Be kind to yourself and others. This will come back to you tenfold.
Until next time
Life Coach Adelaide