The topic of discussion for this newsletter is Rapport – the art of connecting. This is always important and with the festive season almost upon us it is possibly even more important.
Would you like to be able to establish rapport with anyone at any time? Is that something that would be of value to you?
Would feeling at ease with someone make you feel good about that person to the point you would feel free to chat with them, to possibly have a deep and meaningful conversation?
Rapport is used everywhere in life, in business, in selling, in personal and professional relationships, everywhere. Imagine what you could do in business if you had really good rapport with your customers. What about your kids and your spouse – do you think life could have more meaning for your when your relationship with your family was more open, when you could sit and have a deep and meaningful with your spouse, when you really heard what he or she was saying or not saying. Do you think your relationships could be enhanced and become something you really treasured?
Rapport is the natural process of matching mirroring and being in alignment with another. It is at this time the communication channels are open, really open – there is no resistance. It is a feeling of trust. When people are like each other they like each other, they feel at ease with each other and more inclined to open up, to share.
Imagine how a relationship could flourish or descend into a rapid decline – depending on the rapport you had with the other person.
We all have our own standards and values, the rules by which we play the game of life and I’m sure we are all aware how miffed we feel when someone violates our rules. Do you think it’s possible the other person may have the same response when we have violated their rules, when we fail to respect their world?
When you have rapport with someone you trust them and are more inclined to open up to them. So how do we make this happen, how can we get the show on the road?
Rapport creation is largely matching and mirroring the other person. Think about two blokes propping up the bar – they are both sitting there chewing the fat about whatever, each one mirroring the other in physiology, life experience and even beer for beer – one buys a round and then it’s the other’s turn to buy a round.
There are different things we can mirror and match, things such as words and phrases, a common experience, an association and whether or not the other person is a detailed person or a big picture person. Have you ever felt frustrated with someone when they insist on giving you all the details when your focus is more on the bottom line? Think about a time when someone has told you a joke and they get bogged down in the detail – he was wearing a green hat or was it red!! By the time they get to the punch line you have forgotten the start of the story.
There’s also their voice – how they delivered the message – did they sound excited or bored, were they talking in a whisper like it was a secret and you were left wondering what was going on, or were they yelling at you?
What about the way they looked – were they neatly dressed or did they look like they had lost their razor for a week? What gestures were they making? We all know many southern European people would be severely challenged if they had no arms!!! What was their breathing like – were they breathing from the top of their lungs, what we call shallow breathing or were they a deep breather? Did that leave you feeling they were stressed or in control?
When in a conversation with someone what pictures do you have in your mind – what messages are they sending to you and what are you picking up on?
Recently I had a dealing with someone and she was to subsequently deliver a product. Time went by and I hadn’t heard from her – what was I thinking? She had run off with my money? She had forgotten about me? She didn’t care?
If I had been thinking any of those things I was wrong and I was making it about me. I followed her up to discover she was on the job and she was also having some challenges in her personal life. I could have chosen to be angry and say – that’s her problem. I chose to be more understanding. How would you have responded? How do you think she will respond next time we have a dealing?
Follow up is key. What would happen if you followed up your customers, your clients, your patients, your friends, your family, and your mates? If you chose to be pro-active about these things, if you kept your word, if you respected the other person’s world?
What wouldn’t happen if you did that?
What would happen if you didn’t do that?
What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t do that?
Like to learn some more, give me a call. Talk soon. Marg