So, what is all this about?
Why is it important?
Let me tell you a little story about this chap who was a really successful Holden car salesman who lived in a coastal town up north. He worked and played really hard, selling cars and networking to promote the business. He worked all day and most of the night and this meant he had not spent very much time at home. He didn’t know his kids and when he came home they were in bed and when he left in the morning they were still in bed. His wife ran the house and looked after the kids and maintained her secretarial job and then things started to change.
The chap became more obsessed about getting things to work for him at work and trying to get people to buy his cars and when he wasn’t selling the cars, he was networking all over town in an effort to sell the cars and his health began to suffer but still he drove himself and drove himself.
One day he came home to find that his wife had left with the kids and the dog and she had taken the car and the money out of the bank. He was absolutely totally shattered. His whole world had gone from under him. Nothing was certain anymore and he didn’t know what to do.
His health deteriorated and he just became more and more miserable. His friends were shunning him because he wasn’t much fun anymore and he didn’t know what to do.
And then one day he decided this was it, he was going to end it all and he went up onto the top of the big bridge that spanned the harbour where all the big ships went under and he was just about to jump – and then, out of the corner of his eye, something caught his attention. It was bright and shining. It really grabbed his total attention so much so that he came down from on top of the bridge and climbed down all the stairs right down to the place where he had seen this bright shiny thing in the water.
He reached in to the water with a stick and brought it to the shore. It was a bottle with a note on the inside. So he took the cork out of the bottle and got the note out to read it and as he did that a genie popped out of the bottle and said – Master, I am here to grant you one wish and one wish only. Now think hard – what is it that you wish for.
The chap was absolutely elated, he thought all of his problems had been solved and he said
That’s easy – I wish I had a foreign car dealership in a large metropolitan area
And the genie said – Are you sure Master, are you sure this is the wish you want granted
And the chap said, yes, yes, I’m sure, when I have a foreign car dealership in a large metropolitan area, I will be the happiest man alive.
Very well, Master, said the genie and Poof the genie had disappeared and the chap found himself in a Holden dealership in Tokyo.
Do you think that was what he wanted?
Would knowing the key to personal power be of value to you? Would that give you the control you are seeking?
And so what is this personal power? What does this mean to you?
Are you the cause of what happens for you or are you at the effect of what happens to you?
Which side of the cause and effect equation are you on?
The majority of people are on the effect side, they have chosen to be one of life’s victims, they are the people to whom everything happens, they wait for life to happen to them.
If you doubt me, I invite you to just listen to what people say next time you are in a group. How many times have you heard someone say something like –
- I can’t get ahead – it’s all because of this government red tape
- It’s all because of the GFC
- It’s my secretary’s fault
- I couldn’t get my homework done because I couldn’t find my pen or the dog ate it
- And so the list goes on.
For some reason we seem to think we’re entitled to a great life that somehow, somewhere someone is required to do something about it, something like fill our lives with perpetual happiness, enticing career opportunities, blissful relationships and empowering family time. Well, guess what, that someone is you.
If you want all those things, if being successful means having perpetual happiness, a fancy car, a posh house, a gorgeous spouse – guess what – the responsibility for making these things happen lies firmly with you. You, and you alone, are 100% responsible for your life’s journey.
Victor Frankl who was imprisoned in a concentration camp during WWII tells the story of how he had to find something beautiful in the soup which was dished up to him. The soup was a fish head in dirty water. He said he had to find something positive about that dish to keep him alive, to keep him grounded.
Yes, you are responsible for everything you experience in life from the level of your achievements to the results you produce, to the state of your health and fitness levels, your relationships and even your feelings, your income, your debts, everything.
Each of us is where we are right now because of the decisions we’ve made and the action we’ve taken to date.
There is a great story told about a man who is out walking one night when he came across another man down on his knees looking for something under a street light. The passerby asked the man what he was looking for and the man informed him that he was looking for his lost key. The first man offered to help and after about an hour he says to the second man – we’ve been here for over an hour and we’ve looked everywhere – are you sure you lost it here. The second many replied – No, I lost it in the house but there’s more light out here under the street lamp.
How often do you look for answers to your problems outside yourself when the answer lies within?
It is up to you to create the quality of the life you lead and the results you get – no-one else.
You have control over three things in your life:
- Your thoughts
- The images you visualise, and
- The actions you take.
Results Model – If you were to make a list on the left hand side of a piece of paper
Now ask yourself – am I getting the results I want?
If you don’t like the results you’re getting you’ll need to make a change. Change your negative ways and thoughts to positive ways and thoughts.
If you don’t like the way someone treats you, say something or do something different – change your environment, like find another bunch of people to hang about with.
Simply put, if you were given $1,000.00, what would you do with it? Spend it on a fun weekend somewhere or invest it?
We all have our own stuff, our purpose, our beliefs and values, the skills we have developed and the knowledge we have gained and so each of us would have a different response to this event.
It is how we respond to the event that leads us to the outcome and if this is not the desired outcome, then we really need to look at what’s going on in our model of the world.
In our model, if the results you wanted were different to the ones you were getting you would need to change something. If you were to pivot the indicator a one degree to the right you would see that you would only need to make a small change at the bottom of the totem pole to have a major change at the top. If you were to leave everything as it were except for the Environment, then a one degree change is going to have less impact than a one degree change in your purpose or your ID.
The difference between successful people and the not so successful people is that successful people know that how they respond to an event can mean the difference between getting ahead or regret for what might have been.
How often has an opportunity come your way and you responded with fear or told yourself “I can’t”. Success comes in cans, not can’ts.
When confronted with a negative event, successful people look for ways to turn it around, to make it work for them, to give them the success they are seeking.
Are you living below the line where you blame everyone and everything outside yourself for the results you are getting?
Let me ask you – How much control do you have over other people and other things outside you? How much control do you have over what’s going on inside you, your thoughts, your visions and the actions you take?
I have people tell me they want to be happy – how long does it take to be happy? A nano second – all you have to do is to decide to be happy.
One of the NLP presuppositions that I have chosen to live by is – I’m in charge of my mind and therefore my results.
Raymond Francis, the author of Never Be Sick Again tells how he was so ill, the ink on the printed paper impacted on his wellbeing. He chose to do something about it. He improved his diet and has now written several books on nutrition so we can benefit from his experience.
Sir Jason Winters who used to be the stunt man for Audie Murphy in some of the old westerns, was knocking on the Pearly Gates and he found a cure so he could live to enjoy life. He chose to live.
We hear of people suffering with cancer and given a very short time to live and yet they recover. They made the choice to live.
There was a story like that in the Sunday Mail recently where they were talking about Sam Arnold and his friend Jim Stynes. Both were great sportsmen and both had cancer. Sam Arnold lived to tell the take. Why one and not the other? Who knows and maybe it was because Sam Arnold had a driving purpose that he chose to fulfil – to be there for his infant son.
Yu either create (active) it or allow it to happen (passive). You, and only you, have the power to make something happen in your life, whether you create it or passively allow it to happen.
When you intentionally insult someone and they take some action, that was your doing. If they punched you in the nose or cut you off from their social circle, you and you alone created the outcome.
Sometimes it’s not quite so black and white. Let’s say you work really hard, you make sure you take all the overtime you can get, the bank balance is increasing, the mortgage is decreasing, the kids are going to nice schools and you drive a nice car, you have a second nice car for your spouse to drive around in and, generally, your intention is to create a better life for our family.
When you do come home you’re too tired to do anything except veg out in front of the TV where you fall asleep and then you’re off at 6 a.m. the following morning to do it all over again.
You are too tired to spend time with your kids and your spouse, you just want to unwind in front of the TV.
Then one day you come home and it’s empty, your spouse and the kids are gone, the furniture is not there, the BMW has gone and there is no money left in the bank, you have nothing – a bit like the car salesman we were talking about earlier.
While your intention to create a better life for your family was admirable, you allowed the outcome to happen. You failed to value the most important people in your life along the way. You were focussed more on the lifestyle than the quality of life you wanted to create.
So let’s do an exercise – I’d like you to ask yourself these questions –
- What is something that is really troubling you, something that keeps you awake at night, something that is really playing on your mind?
- What are the pay-offs or benefits you are getting for keeping it just the way it is right now?
- What is it costing you to keep it just the way it is right now?
- How do you create it or allow it to be like it is, right now?
- What are you pretending not to know?
- What do you want?
- What actions could you take and what requests could you make to get it?
- When will you do that?
When you’re ready to talk about this further or you need some help to get where you want to go, call me.
I have a six week coaching program called The Silver Bullet Coaching Program which I will be running for groups shortly. This is an introduction to coaching and NLP includes –
- The Key to Personal Power
- Keys to a Successful Outcome
- Goal setting
- Getting rid of those things that are blocking your way.
If you think this is for you, please give me a call.
Remember, every champion deserves a coach, why not you.
You must get good at one of two things: sowing in the spring or begging in the fall – Jim Rohn
0407 186 011