A few weeks ago I went to a seminar where an actor was talking about the power of being in the moment, of being in the zone and it really came home to me how powerful that gift can be.
Why is this important – what’s the big deal – you might ask.
Let me ask you – have you ever found yourself in the situation where you’re talking to someone and they’re doing something else while they assure you they ARE listening to you? How did that experience leave you feeling at that moment?
I know this has happened to me on numerous occasions and I was left with the feeling the other person didn’t really care, I felt discounted and walked away.
When I’m having a conversation with someone, be it a friend, my husband, a client or whomever, I like to think I’m giving them my full attention because whatever they are telling me is important to them. They want to be heard. They want to feel they have been understood and when all this happens the relationship takes on a new dimension because the trust level between the two people has been raised. The energy flow increases and, I have found with my husband especially, the relationship is enriched. I guess I’ve had longer to practise with him! Making time for someone is a precious gift and when you do this, the bond between you is made stronger.
Many people find themselves alone at times and even more people are lonely. It’s the lonely people who are missing out on the benefit of this gift and some people will do extraordinary things just to be noticed. I often wonder how things could be different if someone were to really give them some special time and to share the gift of being there, in the moment, with them.
What does this look like – how would I recognise the situation – you may ask yourself.
Let’s say you’re on a date with someone you have recently met. This person hasn’t really swept you off your feet, but, hey, it’s early days yet and you want to get to know him a bit better before you really make up your mind whether to take things further or not. While you’re talking to him he suddenly decides it’s time to check his email and then he takes a phone call – well that happens, you say to yourself – perhaps it was important. Then he’s off the phone and your conversation resumes – you start to chat again but he is pre-occupied, looking around the room and constantly looking over your shoulder. Then you ask him a question – thinking this might bring him back to the lunch table – only to be totally let down when he responds with some totally “off the planet” type answer and you just know he hasn’t heard a word you said. How does that leave you feeling?
I have a friend who is really very unwell and yesterday I went to see her in hospital. We’d arranged I would pop over and give her a foot massage. When I arrived there were a number of people in the room and she asked them all to leave so I could give her the massage. By doing this, she gave herself the opportunity of being totally in the moment, to enjoy the moment, the touch and the chat that always goes with something like that and when I left I felt I had been given a precious gift, I felt even closer to her and I was left with the understanding of what a truly gracious lady she is. This is her legacy to the world.
How do we create these magic moments? Well, as I see it, it’s all about focus. You get what you focus on so why not focus on what you want.
When I have a client come to see me, my whole focus is on the client – it’s all about the client, it’s all about listening t what is being said and what is not being said, it’ about honouring and respecting that other person’s world, really seeing where they’re coming from, what it is they want and why they feel they don’t have it already.
How do you do this – this time together is all about them. Whatever is happening in my world has nothing to do with what they are telling me and I direct my question around their topic, what’s important to them, to explore it further and deeper. When you find yourself in the situation that the time is not appropriate, make a special time for that person so they have the luxury of your undivided attention and that way everyone wins.
This has the effect of valuing the other person and really championing them. After all, who knows who they know and your current interaction with the person before you could lead you to someone who really presses your buttons, it could lead to a greater understanding of the issues facing the person in front of you and it could just give that person an experience to remember.
While listening recently to an interview with a dating coach when he was relaying his experience of internet dating he told the story about meeting this lady and after some initial chatting on the phone he took her out to a restaurant. He said he felt a bit let down because she had clearly lied about somethings, including her weight, obviously to make her seem more attractive than she saw herself. However, as he explained, he felt he had seen a different side of her during their telephone chats and it was his responsibility to make the experience of the date really work, an experience where they would enjoy the experience and he made the evening all about her.
So what if – what if next time when you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are getting a raw deal, you took the lead and turned everything around to make the experience all about the other person, I wonder who will be left with the greatest gift.
Remember, when you love yourself enough, that feeling will be projected onto others and reflected back to you.
Let me know when you’re ready to explore this – I’d love to hear from you http://www.marghobby.com.au/free-coaching-session/
Until next time