A couple of weeks ago I had the good fortune to listen to David Emerald on an ICF (International Coaches Federation) webinar when he was talking about his book The Power of Ted. This is NOT a reference to Ted Talks but refers to The Empowerment Dynamic. The message was all about how easy it is to fall into the role of the Victim and how life does not have to be that way.

I am sure there’s not one person live who has never encountered a bully in their lives and I wonder how many people have given some thought to how all this works. The Tall Poppy Syndrome is alive and well in Australia. Anyone who dares to be different, excel, stand out from the crowd, take a risk, have a go, etc is frequently mown down. The really professional bullies are very good at annihilating people while hiding behind some screen of authority, frequently but not necessarily corporate.

In his book David Emerald discusses the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT – yes, just like the banned poison) where there is the Victim and the Persecutor in two corners with the Rescuer in the third.

The Victim can quite often come out in us after some loss – whether real or perceived – leaving us feeling vulnerable and alone. Victimhood is one strategy of reacting to life’s circumstances.

The Persecutor can be found in other people, objects or events. The Persecutor is the entity the Victim blames for his/her situation. The two roles are symbiotic – one cannot exist without the other.

And then there is the Rescuer – the entity the Victim leans on for help and, again, this entity can take different forms ranging from other people to drugs, alcohol and other strategies the Victim leans on for support. The Rescuer intervenes on behalf of the Victim to deliver the Victim from harm by the Persecutor.

Victims are frequently inward focused and concentrate on “Poor me”. Not only does this push people away, it also adds to the stress levels which, in turn, can result in a compromised immune system and illness, sometimes chronic illness.

I invite you to take a look at your life and consider how you have felt when you have been the Victim in whatever circumstances you have found yourself.

So, what is the alternative? What is the opposite of “Victim”? David Emerald has called this the “Creator” and I’ll talk about that next time

The most important thing is that we all have choice.

Who are you going to choose to be in 2019.

Until next time

Marg Hobby

Life Coach Adelaide